Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
