So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
