So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
