when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
