Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
