Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
