I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
