My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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