i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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