I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
