I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize