no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want to make out with him forever
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