Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
