apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
