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• (214): View more from Texas

  Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom

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• (619): View more from California

  I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!

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