I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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