i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
