I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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