Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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