I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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