Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
