Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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