you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
