So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
