I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the day after is always just damage control
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
