He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
