dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
