so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
literally had 100 drinks last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
