Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
