Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
