my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
