Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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