I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
