This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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