I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
