I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize