im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize