The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize