At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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