my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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