she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
