census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
