I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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