i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
