Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
