I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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