I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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