i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize