finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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