is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
