I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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