Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
