Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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