I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
