you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
