I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
