Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize