Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
