Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
