you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
