2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
