Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
