Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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