It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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