when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
