I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
