I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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