By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize