I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
