I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
