She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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