You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
