I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize